MY FOUNDATIONS ARE SOLID...Tribute to my grandparents

Today I really miss my grandparents, and it got me thinking of how phenomenal and amazing they were. Birthed and raised 7 children and  

many grandchildren, I realized that superman had many faces. In essence, my grandparents raised me because my mom was young when she got me and she was working on her career.

My earliest memory of my grandfather was when he came home from work (he used to own and drive taxis) and he had bought me tea and cups toys. The picture is very vivid in my head as I replay it. He was such a strict man who owned a gun, although I got to see it after he passed away. He has this whistle that one could hear from the corner, so all of us would use it as warning every time we were up to mischief.  What a smart dresser he was. His love for music was matched by his love for sweet stuff and we would drive around in his clean, white car while playing Jazz. (He would be so proud of me that I have acquired a taste of Jazz too).  

My mom would leave very early for work, so my grandfather prepared me for school. Every morning when I woke up, I was met by motogo wa ting le tee ya mashi a bidisitsweng (Breakfast in bed, we’ve been having it) and he would walk me to school daily. The experience of raising 7 kids showed off. When I came back from school, I’d be met by lunch and one piece of chocolate, yes the slab would last us a week, that’s if my aunt didn’t find the stash. In the evenings, we would all chill in the dining room and they would feed my forever inquisitive mind with the stories of old and each time they didn’t want me to know things, they would speak in Afrikaans. For the longest time I thought I was the last born of the family and that I was a special child who had 2 mothers and one super father.

Now my grandmother was a very strong woman. I would be eternally grateful if I were to become half the woman she was. When I was a child, I would marvel at how women in the community would come to her for counselling and resolve in hard matters. She was quite adept in problem solving. My grandmother was very intelligent, bold and feisty, a paragon of society. I really take my personality from her (although I sometimes think mine is exaggerated). Both of them were elders in church, my grandmother being Mother’s union leader and my grandfather a Deacon and councillor, so church attendance was not up for discussion. So we all went to church every Sunday without fail. “No one knows God until someone introduces us” I owe my introduction to God to both of them. I have yet to see selflessness in serving like the one my grandparents possessed.  

I'm still in awe of how both of them were so good together. How my grandfather handled my strong, loud grandmother and she managed to be submissive with that kind of personality. I think about both of them and I realize that I'm standing on the solid foundations that they laid.  How they laid down their lives so that we can have a comfortable life. Both of them were intentional about leaving a legacy that will last for generations. They were both graced in leadership and influence and I'm grateful that I bask in their grace. Their aura made the Musi family a respectable home in the community, that to this day, they are not forgotten. I am thankful for such amazing super-people.

It was on a Tuesday morning when my grandmother died. I was woken up to come see her for the last time as she lay peacefully in her bed. Next to her was a cup of tea. My grandfather told me that she woke him up at 5am and asked him to make her a cup of tea. When my grandfather came back, she was gone. I have never seen my grandfather so lost and weak. His Nontsokolo had left him without a warning. What he known for more than 40 years was over. He never recovered after that, 2 years later he died at hospital.

I pray for a love like theirs. Unconventional in its meeting and intentional in it's working out. I have been blessed with a lifetime of legacy and fountain of grace.

 

 

Mokwena Mongwatse

Legadimana ntweng

Ga le ja ga le gadime

Baphalanyane tsa motlatla

Bakwena le dinkokwane le se banyana

Pitsa ya mochoko ga enke e fallwa

Ba re e ka ya bola e bolle

 

THE REASON CHURCH MEN DON'T ASK US (CHURCH WOMEN) OUT

I have had conversations and grievances from sisters in churches about the gruesome allegations that church guys never ask them out. Since I'm a thinker and therefore a young analyst, I’ve summed up 5 major reasons why these sought-after men, never ask women out. All these reasons are gathered from my research and informed opinion. For the purpose of clarity, I will use ‘Us’ for church women and please note; this is a broad generalization.

1.    They don’t know us

On average, these guys see us for maximum 3 hours, once a week and one Saturday a month, for those who serve in departments. At church, were 90% character and 10% personality and that personality is available to those who stick around for long enough after a church service. These men assume we’re stuck-up, boring and cold women, who know nothing but quote scriptures and pray in tongues. In my observation, there are very cool women at church. They have healthy social lives and are not socially awkward. My wise friend once said, if you truly want to know someone, be with them outside of the environment you first saw them. I'm inclined to agree with her as impressions are environmental. What I make of you is largely due to where I meet you. Dear guys... we’re cooler than you think we are. Try us!

2.    There are many (analysis paralysis)

Research shows that for every man, there are 9 women and even when we bring it to the church front, there are more women that there are men. This is another reason we are not asked out. There is a psychological term called analysis paralysis which basically means one over-analyzes a situation to a point that a decision or action is never taken. Since there are many beautiful women at church, these men end up not choosing even one woman, due to a paralysis, which brings me to my third reason.

3.    Beauty overwhelms

Have you ever seen very gorgeous shoes that you could look at them the whole day and wish to never wear them? That is the reason women never get asked out. There are a plethora of pretty women at church and even the guys will attest to that but they are treated as nothing but ornaments that need to be adorned. Think about the prettiest girl at your church, is she in a relationship? How many guys have you heard speak about her beauty but never go for her? Exactly!

4.    Expectation is ordinary

I speak to a lot of guys at church and some claim that the common reason for them to never ask church girls out is that once you ask a lady out for lunch, she’s already hearing wedding bells in her head. This is funny...but not all women are like that, not every woman wants to add marriage to the list of achievements like diplomas on the wall. (Ladies, stop showing him a wedding magazine 2 weeks into the relationship. He will run)

5.    We are too emotionally available

I’ve seen this happen in front of my eyes. Church (and biblical principles) teaches us to be givers and consider another’s feelings as I do mine. That’s a very good thing, however, you find guys that emotionally draw from us, seeking validation and acceptance. John Eldrege speaks about the term ‘emotional promiscuity’ in his book, Wild at heart. He says it is when the woman is grateful to be pursued, she opens up. They share the intimacies of their lives – their wounds, their walks with God. But he never commits. This is what church guys have subjected themselves to; a fountain of beautiful, caring women who are only useful when he needs a date for his work gala dinner or wants her to affirm him on his latest venture. Rough times bafethu. Unless he’s willing to make you queen of his castle, stop being Rapunzel and letting down your hair at every call. Ladies, ask him his intentions from the beginning otherwise you’ll be taken on an emotional promiscuous ride.

Well, those are the 5 reasons I have formulated from my observation within the church circles. I could be right on some of them, or the poor guys are just not into us. Let’s hope for the sake of women, the latter in not the case because you can’t pray out a guy to want you. Many have tried and still are but that’s a topic for another day.

Ladies, spare a minute for the brothers in your prayers. May the spirit of fear leave them, for our own sake because for some, their fear is still greater than their love for us.