THE REASON CHURCH MEN DON'T ASK US (CHURCH WOMEN) OUT

I have had conversations and grievances from sisters in churches about the gruesome allegations that church guys never ask them out. Since I'm a thinker and therefore a young analyst, I’ve summed up 5 major reasons why these sought-after men, never ask women out. All these reasons are gathered from my research and informed opinion. For the purpose of clarity, I will use ‘Us’ for church women and please note; this is a broad generalization.

1.    They don’t know us

On average, these guys see us for maximum 3 hours, once a week and one Saturday a month, for those who serve in departments. At church, were 90% character and 10% personality and that personality is available to those who stick around for long enough after a church service. These men assume we’re stuck-up, boring and cold women, who know nothing but quote scriptures and pray in tongues. In my observation, there are very cool women at church. They have healthy social lives and are not socially awkward. My wise friend once said, if you truly want to know someone, be with them outside of the environment you first saw them. I'm inclined to agree with her as impressions are environmental. What I make of you is largely due to where I meet you. Dear guys... we’re cooler than you think we are. Try us!

2.    There are many (analysis paralysis)

Research shows that for every man, there are 9 women and even when we bring it to the church front, there are more women that there are men. This is another reason we are not asked out. There is a psychological term called analysis paralysis which basically means one over-analyzes a situation to a point that a decision or action is never taken. Since there are many beautiful women at church, these men end up not choosing even one woman, due to a paralysis, which brings me to my third reason.

3.    Beauty overwhelms

Have you ever seen very gorgeous shoes that you could look at them the whole day and wish to never wear them? That is the reason women never get asked out. There are a plethora of pretty women at church and even the guys will attest to that but they are treated as nothing but ornaments that need to be adorned. Think about the prettiest girl at your church, is she in a relationship? How many guys have you heard speak about her beauty but never go for her? Exactly!

4.    Expectation is ordinary

I speak to a lot of guys at church and some claim that the common reason for them to never ask church girls out is that once you ask a lady out for lunch, she’s already hearing wedding bells in her head. This is funny...but not all women are like that, not every woman wants to add marriage to the list of achievements like diplomas on the wall. (Ladies, stop showing him a wedding magazine 2 weeks into the relationship. He will run)

5.    We are too emotionally available

I’ve seen this happen in front of my eyes. Church (and biblical principles) teaches us to be givers and consider another’s feelings as I do mine. That’s a very good thing, however, you find guys that emotionally draw from us, seeking validation and acceptance. John Eldrege speaks about the term ‘emotional promiscuity’ in his book, Wild at heart. He says it is when the woman is grateful to be pursued, she opens up. They share the intimacies of their lives – their wounds, their walks with God. But he never commits. This is what church guys have subjected themselves to; a fountain of beautiful, caring women who are only useful when he needs a date for his work gala dinner or wants her to affirm him on his latest venture. Rough times bafethu. Unless he’s willing to make you queen of his castle, stop being Rapunzel and letting down your hair at every call. Ladies, ask him his intentions from the beginning otherwise you’ll be taken on an emotional promiscuous ride.

Well, those are the 5 reasons I have formulated from my observation within the church circles. I could be right on some of them, or the poor guys are just not into us. Let’s hope for the sake of women, the latter in not the case because you can’t pray out a guy to want you. Many have tried and still are but that’s a topic for another day.

Ladies, spare a minute for the brothers in your prayers. May the spirit of fear leave them, for our own sake because for some, their fear is still greater than their love for us.