WHO TO KEEP IN YOUR CIRCLE...

I’ve been blessed with wonderful people in my life and I’m one those people who’ve never struggled to make friends, good ones at that. However, I learned that it’s very important to choose your friends wisely and always keep your circle watertight. For all the friends I had, I have come up with those that are worthy to have in your circle because people are not the same and it’s important to keep those that are fitting.

1.    The Homie

This one is the all-rounder; she’s the closest to you. The homie serves as everything you want, from a friend to a part-time lover (when your boyfriend is not around and you don’t want to be alone) and never complains because well…she loves you so much.  You have most fights with the homie, since you spend most of the time with her and she knows a lot about you. This kind of friend is very protective of you because they’ve been with you for long that they know what’s best for you. With that said though, its key that she knows that you have the final say in your life.

2.    The cheerleader

I’m a very confident person and I believe so much in my own hype, but sometimes uncertainty creeps up so much that I find doubting myself. So, this kind of friend is one that also believes in you and your hype. They have an idea of what your becoming will look like, so they wont let you settle for anything less than that. You can tell them that you want to be a singer and even though you cant sing, they still pat you on the back and tell you, you can do it. These friends are good for your ego and those ‘I don’t know if I can do it’ moments. They are your number 2 fan, through and through. If you have both the cheerleader and The Homie in your circle, you’re bound to work out well because the Homie will bring you back to reality if the cheerleader is gassing you up.

3.    The narcissist

This friend loves herself so much and would do anything to look good and get praised. Its good to keep this friend in your circle because they thrive to put up appearances, and because they always want to come off good, they’ll ensure that when you’re with them, you also look good.  You may sometimes feel like a trophy, but it comes in handy because you get to enter into the narcissist’s network. You’re also bound to learn a lot from this person because they seek to always be in the know, for the purpose of their reputation. In this here instance, you’re good by association.

4.    The experienced

Talk about a walking encyclopedia. The experienced knows everything about everything, from politics, to relationships, to sex. If you have this one in your corner, just dial them up if you’re in desperate need to impress someone and they’ll provide you with info that’s relevant. The experienced has gone before you in matters of life and whenever growing pains seep in, they are there for free tutorials. You’ll always feel like a dumb, which will make you read up and become well informed. The good thing about the experienced is that you get to share and discuss books with them. For me, that’s quite cool.

5.    The grounder

When in comes to matters of God, I’ve found out that with or without God, life is tricky. Life does this thing of becoming so unpredictable it leaves you in shaky grounds. The grounder is there to remind you about God and what He promised. The grounder is your prayer partner and they come with sound advice based on God. In normal circumstances, the experienced and the grounder have contradicting views because the former finds the latter impractical and naïve.

As I said, people are different and one may not necessarily need these particular types of people in their circle. All of these friends somehow complement each other and one without the other may not complete the circle. In one setup, all their views may contradict, but its usually the Homie who covers all of them in one. They say you attract that which you are, so you might also have one of the traits that these groups possess. Remember, you’re responsible for your life and even when you take advice from friends, check at which point they are in their lives and how that affects their views. Also, you make the final decision pertaining to your life. Enjoy friendships and be a good friend.

BEING THE NEW GIRL...

One of the trickiest things for me is finding myself in situations where I'm the ‘new girl’. It could be an event or within a new circle, I find the first few moments hard and sometimes tiring. Not that I have an alter-ego or anything like that, but I end up negotiating with myself about which personality trait to bring across. It's always a question of which part of myself would I like to show off and how do I want to be known, provided that these are qualities I can control. You might read this and think to yourself that this is an easy task if one is always themselves and you're right, but ‘myself’ is made up of a lot of things like character, personality, habits and mannerisms. So I always have to decide which part I am showing off that day. 

For example, I went to some braai with a friend, I was fairly new and she was the only person I knew there. From the discussion to participate in, to the jokes I chose not to be offended by and yes, to the 3^rd serving of dessert I had to decline; I had to think about all of them. Bearing in mind that I shouldn't, in any way, put my friend in any awkward situations. I mean, I don’t want to be remembered as that girl who was stuck-up and callous.

The evening started off well as I found it easy to connect to most of her friends quite well. The conversation was smooth and endearing and everyone had very idiosyncratic views. Being the ‘new girl’ in a group of people who have already established some sort of camaraderie comes with eyes that question nothing but ask everything. I always dread these setups because I sometimes find it intimidating to be the center of attention.  ‘What do you do for a living?’ and ‘how do you spend most of your time?’ are some of the questions that make the rounds and are coupled with much attentiveness. 

The new girl syndrome is one I never get used to because I'm always around people I know and I'm comfortable with. For an outspoken person, I have to take cognisance of how much I let out and which I decide to keep, a huge task if you ask me.

One of the things that bore me is how narcissistic people can get. It's an opportunity for them to shine and tell the whole world their best sides. Don’t get me wrong, I know that no one can consciously express their not-so-good side but my goodness; others don’t let the opportunity to let us know how they are the best thing to happen to the world since ice-cream, pass.  Although I don’t like being new, I love how it's an opportunity for me to know great people and engage in very interesting conversations.  The perks of being new is that I get to tell people about my latest habits, even those I've yet to do and I don’t have to feel like I'm lying, because well...I’m dreaming aloud. However, I'm glad I get to experience being the new girl because if not, there wouldn’t be any post to blog.

Please don’t take this as a decline to your future invites. I promise you I'm so cool, you’d mistaken me for the other side of the pillow; that is when I'm not being my usual over-thinking self.