EXCUSE ME...I AM 23!

20:20 Sunday evening. I'm in my bedroom and there is no sign of sleep coming through as I took a nap that left me even more tired. In between going through old magazines, thoughts and memories somehow manage to sneak in, so I pause to reflect on them and try figure out what to make of the lessons. In a few months I will be turning 23 and all I can think about is that horror movie called #23. I have never been one to be concerned about growing older, as I was already mistaken to be old (blame it on the things that come out of my mouth), but my concerns are always centred on growing up. Growing up, for me, means continually taking stock of one’s decisions, evaluating the mistakes you've made and actually taking all of yourself in. Realizing that you're getting older, therefore some things must give in order to accommodate your older self.  I'm also realizing that age (which translates to life experiences) plays a major part in how we view life. My 23 year old self believes so much in hand-written love letters and no matter how unfairly life has dealt me, I still have the audacity to be hopeful about a brand new day. It's easy to trust life since I'm young enough to believe that it loves the person who dares to live it.

 I have managed to fill my 23 year old universe with the weight of my purpose and the aura of my passion. I am presented with a plethora of choices and judging by my areas of lack, those choices end up paralyzing me. I seem to find it easy to forgive life and get swallowed up in her art of dream selling. In one of the magazines, I read 2 articles on marriage, one is written by a 23 year old and another by a 33 year old. The latter makes the former sound very gullible and out of touch with reality. I can relate. My heart dies a little every time I hear unpleasant stories about marriage, because they challenge the glorious view that I have of it. But I somehow know that with growth, reality just becomes so clear. I need to get out of my fantasy world and face some of the harsh truths that wisdom brings to my doorstep.

As I continue to embrace growing up, I will try not to be offended when someone who has tasted the bitter side of life, tell me their version of it. I will listen to them rant about how all men are the same, while preventing the question “have you tried all of them?” to escape my mind. I will let my crush go over 2 weeks and not feel the need to beat myself about it.  I will find my own truth, and even though my opinions may change from time to time, I will let my truth remain.

I will go on dates with the guys that are witty, fun and good looking, even though it defies the notion of religion that a woman must be an island until a hero crosses over to come and save her. I will remain gullible in my loving and confidently say “I love you” without expecting an “I love you too”. I will try to remain calm when someone takes my intellectual property for granted and I will forgive those who want to correct my spelling because they might not know that I create my own words. I will certainly eat 4 slices of pizza because my metabolism is that fast.

So bear with me as I do all of these things, as I try to get comfortable in my own skin. I am embracing who I am and by the looks of things, I'm doing it so beautifully.